I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
