i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
