I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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