nut hugger
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
