why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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