I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
