If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
