now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
