And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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