I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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