38 yer olds are good kisserssss
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
