can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
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