cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
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Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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