I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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