her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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