Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
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Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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