hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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