So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
