I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
