i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
