I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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