So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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