My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
