You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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