just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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