I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
