I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
