I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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