Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
