also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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