the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
