she smelled like a LAN party
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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