I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
