Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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