Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
