Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
