dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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