I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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