What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
