then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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