You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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