The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
