I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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