I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
do herpes really smell.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
