My balls are so social today.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
