party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also, beer. Big fan.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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