I got chris browned last night
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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