I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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