Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
