you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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