I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
