Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
