Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
