So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize