Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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