I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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