I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
