so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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