She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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